Friday, October 1, 2010

Help Me Help Me

So I'm reading this new book by Martha Beck.

It's a self help book really, and I just want to say to all the people in my life: I'm sorry.

I read self-help or spiritual books from time to time, and whenever I do I get all super annoying. Seriously I'm unbearable. I mean, I feel really good inside so I just keep doing it, devouring Martha Beck and Sue Monk Kidd and Pema Chodron and once I even read The Secret. But then I start saying things to Noah like, "Do whatever makes you feel most liberated!". Or I tell my family, you know, the fact that you have that giant oozing growth on your foot isn't really the problem. The problem is that you THINK it's a problem.

You see?

The book isn't about housekeeping really, at all. I mean not even I am lame enough to read books about combining your true self with your lemon Pledge. But towards the end Martha Beck says that you should mentally walk through your living space and note any area of it that you don't like, that makes you uncomfortable.

So I'm like, ha! That's my ENTIRE HOUSE. Gotcha. What now, Martha Beck?

Eat that.

But she was prepared (damn you Martha Beck, you sly lynx). She knew I would say that so she told me to think about the place that makes me feel the most icky. And I thought: the bedroom.

If you are hearing flashing red sirens now, well, so was I.

If there is one thing you need your bedroom to feel after 8 years of marriage, I don't know what that is but I'm sure it isn't 'icky'.

So then Martha Beck told me to visualize getting a million dollar check in the mail that I could use to redecorate--

Just kidding mom.

She said to put one thing I love in my bedroom and take out one thing I hate. So I'm working on that.

Now all I need to do is figure out 1)How to get Nathan Fillion into my bedroom and 2) does anyone know how to wash brain matter out of sateen sheets? What is a spin cycle? I don't get it.

Just kidding.

No seriously though. Do you?

I am Vesuvius and one day I will have the better of that insufferable Martha Beck.

Just kidding, Martha Beck.

(no, seriously.)


  1. I can definitely understand your frustration. Home is the ONE place that's supposed to be lovely & cozy, always a joy to come home to. When it's not, it seems like your whole life revolves around the chaos at home.

    Start putting your stuff up on your walls! That'll be a good start...

  2. Heather, who do you think you are, Martha Beck??

    Just kidding. I actually hung that Papaya thing you gave me today, finally. It's so pretty!

  3. I'm also insufferable with self-help books, in that I can't handle them. Joel Osteen belongs at the bottom of a lake. One thing that makes me feel at home is that all the pictures I hang up I try and make MY pictures, rather than someone elses. Then everytime I look at my wall, I'm taken back to the moment and my house is all me. Hope that helps, if not flush me like Osteen.

  4. Joel Osteen is definitely a charlatan. I don't read that kind of book. Nor will you ever catch me reading 'Why Men Marry Bitches' or 'He's just not that into you' or any other book designed to prey on women's insecurities.

    But I do love me some Martha Beck. The wily fox.

  5. I loved the book "Spin Sisters". It was extremely eye-opening.

  6. That's why I only read about funny fictional ladies that get thier "nathan fillion" everynight! (or in my case Matt Bomer). Becuase if I read advice from someone not living in my life I might snap. (my mom's advice is too much for me to handle already.)

  7. I snorted breakfast out my nose when I read about putting Nathan Fillion in your bedroom. Thanks. I needed that on a dull workday like today.

    Now I should go about seeing how I can get Matt Smith into my bedroom...


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