Monday, July 26, 2010

Introducing the Prizefighter of Longmont, Colorado


I told you about how Ayla lost her tooth. The next day she was involved in a little flesh bender (instead of a fender bender. Does that work? I'm not sure) on the swings at the park.

Her eye swelled right up and now she looks like we hire her out to fight the other neighborhood kindergartners.

She floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee.

Trust me, I would know.

Longmont is growing on me, a little. (Ssshh don't tell anyone. Contentedness totally ruins my tortured writer vibe). I like the people here who are very friendly without being all up in your business. People are kind to you, but not monitoring you for infractions. Big Brother is not watching here. Unlike other towns where I have lived.

"Welcome to Ft Collins, the best place to live for people who don't mind having this small chip implanted in their skull so we can monitor all their thoughts and actions and who never want to see anybody who isn't vanilla in every sense of the word ever again. Also you must drive slowly and sit at green left turn arrows for at least seven seconds before going. We don't like more than two people at most to get through any green arrow. It's just better that way!"

Although, they do have many delectable ice cream and gelato shops. And Longmont needs to catch up there.

Oh, also in Longmont it seems they actually allow children of the right age to attend preschool. In Best Place to Live Vanilla, I'm pretty sure they fill up all the preschool spots with changeling demons who have threatened to take the teachers souls and never return them if they aren't allowed to show up and paint and listen to stories.

Because I don't know anyone who's gotten in.

I went to a job interview with a temp agency and forgot my liar's hat. This lead to me doing pretty poorly in the interview. Did you know that when your interviewer asks you if a boring desk/receptionist job would be a position you'd be happy in long-term, you are supposed to lie and say 'yes'? I forgot until the very last second. I actually pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth to say 'no' until I remembered: You are in a job interview!

I said yes like a good little spin doctor.

I hate all of it. I hate being asked what is my greatest weakness and being expected to talk up that weakness like it's actually a strength.(I do everything right all the time! Total weakness!)

Also, apparently "cheap wine and chocolate" and "re-runs of Full House on abc family" are not considered "professional" or "appropriate" answers to that question.

Oh yes sir, I love to work alone. Oh, you want me to work on a team? You know actually, I do work BEST with others. Unless I need to work alone. And then I do that really well too!

I drove home from Interview feeling immensely relieved to have it over with. I was so stressed going into it that I had three different stress dreams. One involved arriving thirty minutes late. Another involved wearing the wrong color lipstick. The third involved having to use the word "detail-oriented" to describe myself WHILE pretending that the term actually means something.

That third dream came true.

Interview is over, so now is time for beer and beauties:


Blue eyes, you're all that I see.

If you'll excuse me, I have some Wine in a Jug to drink.



  1. A friend once told me the correct answer to that "weakness" questions: perfectionism.

  2. Lol, you hit the nail on the head about interviews.

    "What are your weaknesses?"

    ... you really want to know? Okay, I'm impatient, I have a temper, I spend entirely too much time focused on my appearance, friends tell me I'm overly sarcastic, and I have a really hard time saying no to any sweets - so do I have a job?

    & the pictures are lovely, despite the circumstances for the first one.

    Remember your childhood black eye? If I remember correctly you took a pudding cup to the head during a food fight at camp?

  3. I might have a designer position open at Oakes Fields...are you interested? It's like once a week work during the busy seasons, but I pay well (at least, I think so!)

  4. Ayla looks like she could take on those Longmont gangs in the "rough neighborhoods"--no problem!!!


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