Wednesday, June 6, 2012

In My Mind I'm Going To Carolina and Also Yes In Real Life

Yesterday when two different people asked me, "So are you moving across the country or what?" I remembered how I've never really had a head for details.

(One of them was my mother).

So here it is. Mr. V came home and said unto me that it was official: they'd offered him a position in Brevard, he'd accepted it, and then instead of signing dotted lines they'd all drunk a pilsner on it because that is the kind of establishment we run, here.

Awesome! said I. Let's start packing for Carolina! but Mr. V said, No, you fool! They have no use for me in dixie until October and I'm sure you haven't forgotten how our lease here is up in three weeks. We have no where to go!

That was when I was like, oh look, how lovely. Some thoughtful person has placed this washing machine here so that I might lean on it while I cry. And Mr. V was like, that is not the direction I was hoping you would take this.

(Note to self: buy cheap champagne.)

The short of it is, we have a lot to do between now and June 30th at noon, when our landlord insists we must leave this house or be doomed forever. (Thanks for working with a family with two young children who are moving across the country, here! I totally understand how giving us one extra month would have literally killed you or made your legs turn into scissors and snakes grow out your nostrils, so no biggie!) Nobody get the impression that I'm freaking out, because I'm not freaking out at all. I just happen to like sleeping in my bathtub with a tube running directly from a box of wine to my mouth and the door taped shut and episode 5.4 of Supernatural, "The End", playing on a constant loop. Also I no longer have eyebrows but that is just how I choose to live!

Side note: When she was in college, my mom and her roommates had a really evil landlord and when they moved out, they left a dead fish tucked inside the walls, where it would slowly rot and he wouldn't be able to find the source of the stench. I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I'm excited. I'm really excited, and really happy, and I really don't know what we're going to do.

I wasn't joking about the champagne.

I'm unable to form too many complete sentences at once today, so I'm just going to leave you with some pictures of Brevard and Asheville my love, and call it a day.


First view of Brevard.

They have chocolate there, so I may survive our first winter.

Remember how I kept saying, "White Squirrel
Music Fest", and you were all like, well shit! I 
didn't know squirrels could play guitar! And I was like,
they don't, you idiots. They play the hurdy gurdy.

This keytar-playing squirrel was a real bastard, I could
just tell. Sometimes you can just tell.

Remember how I saw Joaquin Phoenix at the Square Root?
That's "him". He was on the phone with his agent and kept
yelling, "I told you not to make us follow the
squirrels. How the hell are we supposed to
beat that?"

Leaving Brevard to drive to the Atlanta airport, we came around
a corner and found this fellow. So there you have it.

Button your boots, Brevard.


  1. Oh, wow. Brevard! Camp Illahee! I have many friends in Brevard.

    Hang in there.

  2. Really? Elizabeth Aquino of LA know people in Brevard? What a world. Do any of them have rentals? We can't find one.

  3. EGAD this is thrilling. My stomach is all a-flutter for you, and not only because you painted such a lovely picture of this town. Best wishes on all of the practical details, I know it's quite a handful but soon it will all be a distant memory. Embrace the chaos and laugh. And enjoy that cheap champagne!! LOL Hey do you drive I-40 east and west? Stop over in OK. xoxo Gross about the fish, I would love to hear the evil parts of that awesome story!! hahaha

  4. I know it's kinda far, but the house next door to us is renting, I think. It's nice, with a big summer patio outside. Just a thought. In other news, HOORAY! Carolina! I cannot wait to read about this adventure you are having.

  5. Honestly, this post made me a little twitchy. Not in a bad way, just in a sympathetic way.

    Huzzah for new horizons and for white squirrels and chocolate and that deer-goat-shapeshifter thing!

    Not so much huzzah for nasty landlords, though. Fish. Definitely fish.

    Sending you some soothing thoughts and many many prayers. The adventure is ON!

  6. I missed this post because sometimes I'm bad at reading my blogs regularly. What an exciting move for you - though I'll miss your writing about Colorado craziness. Guess I'll have to head out to Carolina to check out some of the craziness out there. Oh, and your landlord is a jerk. Maybe you should consider a dead fish in his mailbox or something.

  7. Ixnay on the ishfay. Go for shrimp in the curtain rods.

    If you're stopping in OK, you might as well stop in Austin. It's on the way (unless you're taking I-40, but you could take I-10!)

    No, seriously. You're going to have to stop at least once since you're not hiring movers. You're welcome here.


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